Moving On Over … To My New Squarespace Site

Hi friends,

In case you haven’t already figured this out, I have a new Squarespace site that I look forward to continuing my blog posts from. You can find me at jennamstarkey.com

All love,

Jenna

Lineup #27

What an honor and a privilege to be featured on TheMondayLineup.com this week. I had so much fun with this. Too much fun in fact, my assignment turned into three playlists instead of one. In the words of my favorite soulcycle instructor “Go make Monday your favorite day of the week!”

The Monday Lineup

Into the great wide open.

I’m beyond excited to post the first ever guest Lineup – done by JMS. You’ve probably seen these initials pop up on TML pretty regularly, but although JMS has amazing taste in new and contemporary music, this girl is a library of classic rock knowledge. I mean, she really knows her sh*t (due in part to the fact that her dad used to quiz her and her brother on the way to school and gave them a dollar for any song that they could name correctly).

When I approached her about doing a guest Lineup of the best of the 1960s and 1970s, it became clear very quickly that it would be impossible to do this era of music justice in a 1.5 hour playlist. And we certainly didn’t want it to be something that you hear at a lame bar or bad wedding. When pulling songs…

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Sneaky Pete, Don’t Settle for Mediocrity

“To all the Sneaky Petes of the world who thought maybe settling for mediocrity was a good idea because it was safe, don’t do it. Take a chance. Take a risk. Find that passion. Rekindle it. Fall in love all over again. It’s really worth it.” – Bryan Cranston’s Emmy Award acceptance speech for the show that moved me in ways I cannot explain.

Where Words Fail, Music Begins

You see, I had my heart broken over the last 10 months. It’s been a perpetual breaking of a heart, meaning it wasn’t all at once, but in waves, and chapters. I feel like I’ve experienced the most profound human experience of all. More than the love it was itself. I’ve always thought of myself as a positive, light-hearted, dancing on the clouds person. But when this happened, everything changed. Like a switch went off, or on, depending on how you look at it. I’m still recovering, like a drug addict. Training my brain, training my thoughts, training my emotions, my body. Everything is different now.

The song below struck a powerful chord in me the first time I read the lyrics and listened. This level of intensity is how I felt. This is how I still feel. Recovering from the force that became a part of me. There were times I felt disfigured. I didn’t recognize who I was, where I was, or how I was getting out. I felt trapped, like everyone was on the outside looking in while I stood there mute, unable to run like in all my childhood nightmares. No one could help me feel better. I couldn’t make my feet run if I tried. Sometimes I still do feel that way. The depth came, and it will be there within me forever. That’s how I feel now, ten months later even.

The irony is I will open myself again. I will open myself up again to try to get closer. I’ve always been determined, forward-thinking; never a quitter. My human heart is wild and steaming just like the song. Every day it is. But in every corner of my mind is unrelenting, shimmering fear. Fear that I will always feel like something is missing. I am starving to get to the root of what broke me, and move on with a child-like free heart again. “I’m not a broken thing,” I plead. It often feels as though I’m only free when I avoid my default settings and forget. But I can’t live like that. “My heart is gold, my feet are light.”

I always loved the quote that said, “if you can’t live longer, live deeper.” Live right here in this moment with depth, because the moment 10 minutes ago and 10 minutes from now don’t actually exist. They are illusions, and so is the fear that comes with it. That perspective has been my only real, lasting comfort. Knowing that I loved someone with every corner of my heart and then some cannot be taken lightly. Feeling the spectrum of emotion, sadness, darkness, was a tremendous gift for this girl in rose-colored glasses. It may have been the greatest gift I’ve ever received; to know the illusive forces of love, to be so grateful to have ever had its face up to mine.

 

Song For Zula

Some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a fading thing
Just as fickle as a feather in a stream
See, honey, I saw love. You see, it came to me
It put its face up to my face so I could see
Yeah then I saw love disfigure me
Into something I am not recognizing

See, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again
Nor lay my face to the soil, nor my teeth to the sand
I will not lay like this for days now upon end
You will not see me fall, nor see me struggle to stand
To be acknowledge by some touch from his gnarled hands
You see, the cage, it called. I said, “Come on in”
I will not open myself up this way again

You see, the moon is bright in that treetop night
I see the shadows that we cast in the cold, clean light
My feet are gold. My heart is white
And we race out on the desert plains all night
See, honey, I am not some broken thing
I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee
No my heart is gold. My feet are light
And I am racing out on the desert plains all night

So some say love is a burning thing
That it makes a fiery ring
Oh but I know love as a caging thing
Just a killer come to call from some awful dream
O and all you folks, you come to see
You just stand there in the glass looking at me
But my heart is wild. And my bones are steam
And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free

Elephant Journal and My Anxious Mind

Hi out there,

I just my found this article about easing anxiety, from my favorite publication of all time (Elephant Journal), and thought it was worth sharing.

You may be surprised to know that I have “struggled” with anxiety for many many years, since around high school really. Usually taking the form of social anxiety, overwhelm or restlessness. The culprits? Public speaking, mind-chatter, and just the overwhelm of the abundance of life. I am a certified head case, and have been told I live in my brain. I can confirm that this is true. So, I read the article about easing anxiety without medication, and it near brought me to tears because it validated so many of the conscious little steps I have been working on to improve my relationship with it all. Putting my head over my heart to remind myself I am alive and present is my favorite move. Discovering it was simple yet revolutionary for me. Closely followed behind the every day reminder given by my new ring, which has “live in the here and now” engraved on the inside (as close to a tattoo as I will ever get). The constant reminder of being alive, as volatile and nerve racking as it may be, is the only solution I have found to ease my discomfort.

“Simply bring the light of awareness to your intense feeling. Shine that light so brightly on it that it has nowhere to run. Look at it. Locate it in the body, if you can. As difficult as it may be, try not to let the mind figure it out and think about it. Instead, feel it. Give it a color or shape. Acknowledge that as uncomfortable as it may be, it is in you.”

I am starting to learn how to really swim through my discomfort instead of trying to purge it out the other way. This article, as so many others from Elephant Journal have done, are beautiful reminders that I am, and you are, human beings with a never ending list of feelings to work through and try on. Each day we may feel similar emotions a little bit differently, as familiar and debilitating as it may be sometimes. The fear of saying the wrong thing, the sadness of being heartbroken, the overwhelm of living life the right way.  For me, these feelings come back again and again like waves crashing relentlessly, and each time I absorb them with new perspective. Sometimes even with a great deal of energy and epiphany. I am grateful that this is the conclusion my monkey mind leads me to if I stay in the darkness long enough. To me, that’s staring my biggest fear square in the face.

 

 

 

About Jenna 2014

This is the updated text in my “About” section. I spent long enough on it I figured it deserved its own post. I know in the past I’ve had some supportive readers (Hi Dad!). Thank you so very much to this guy Drew for the writing motivation. He inspired me with the best reason to write I’ve ever heard, “because.” Write and see what happens.

Hello my name is Jenna Starkey and I’m a 25-year-old optimist from the hills of Berkeley, CA.  I graduated from the University of Oregon Journalism School in 2010, where I fell in love with riding bikes over puddles, hiking under gloomy skies, embracing creative fears, the Pacific Northwest, and living simply. As much as I loved being a flower child in Eugene, Oregon, I will say that, ever since moving to a little place called North Beach in 2012, the wild beatnik part of San Francisco between the strip clubs and bookstores, Chinatown mortuaries and loud Irish bars, Italian coffee shops and seagulls – I have never felt more at home. I tell people that San Francisco has always been my Emerald City. The place I use to gaze out my window at with a twinkle in my eye when growing up across the Bay. I am grateful to have ended up here and found a place that makes my heart feel so free.

In August of 2012, I took a job as the Communications Manager for an independent school in the Oakland Hills, after years of working in PR agencies that I like to think were not well suited to my strengths. I’ve been working here now for almost two years, and I am so grateful to have found work and a community that makes me smile every day.

For those wondering, I started this blog in 2009 or ’10 as a project for a PR class I took at Oregon. It contains posts about my early endeavors in public relations, communications, professional development, travel, infused with the everyday thoughts and ideas I feel compelled enough about to share online. One of my first descriptions of this blog said, “It’s rooted in my belief that music can cure and inspire anything and that happiness can be found in any moment depending on two things: attitude and perspective.” I don’t think I ever honed in on this theme, but I appreciate that this was my intention.  I’m happy to say that those beliefs still remain center to what inspires me every day.

So many years ago I  named this blog “The Enthusiast’s Radio” after my Enneagram personality type, “The Enthusiast.” For those who know me know, the Enneagram is a personality typing system based in ancient Greek psychology that has made a lasting impact on how I live my life. My mom introduced me to the system when I was about 12, to help everyone in my family learn to understand each other better.  Through the Enneagram, I learned that we are all driven by different, yet connected, motivations. The Enneagram has given me tools to appreciate perspectives, for which typically are very different than my own. Regardless of whether the system is perfect, I believe that the insight offered in the Enneagram is the most compelling study (that I’ve found) on the variety of mental, emotional, instinctual triggers of human beings. If you and I have crossed paths at some point in life, you have more than likely heard me mention the Enneagram in some way. I like to think that I have “enlightened” all of the 15 roomates I’ve ever had, and each stranger I’ve felt comfortable enough to say “hello” to on the bus.

Another one of those descriptions I listed about this blog in 2010 says, “My friends and family will all tell you that my mind tends to work like a radio: expressive, scattered and informative.  I hope to be just that as I express myself with this blog, because it is me in every sense.” So there you go.

I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you. Enjoy!

 

The Real Meaning of Life

This video breathes so much purpose and meaning into my life. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you Nicholas for sharing it with me. 🙂

Spending the day at Stanford’s Social Innovation Review Conference #socialmedia

Why: I thought it would be interesting to post first takeaways from today’s conference. The notes are just an unedited snap shot of a learning experience, which sometimes I find quite insightful in and of itself. The nature of the process I mean; the madness of the method…

What: My neat notes from Social Innovation: Social Media on Purpose so far:

Slactivism
Movember
FACEBOOK:
Libby Leffler, Strategic Partner Manager at Facebook
Photo Friday
Include communities
Competition for cover photo
Photos are everything, doesnt matter where they come from or the quality
Analytics are also everything. See what content has the most impact.
Engage other groups/orgs
Tag other organizations
Set milestones on timeline
Resource center: Nonprofit page on Facebook – downloadable best practices and video
Pose questions to the public, have the public share their experiences

[…]

Takeaway: Networking was key as were the “destinations” of my train of thoughts (tools to implement, names to email, stories to share, programs to download, people to follow). Great day and great exercise for me to practice being an ambassador.

(This needs to be here)- A Tribute to Autzen Stadium:

I love this school, I love Chip Kelly, and I love this team with a fiery passion. Ducks for life.

This Is Autzen from Fowlplay2010 on Vimeo.

Jenna’s (Indian) Summer Mixtape Volume 2